What to Do When Your Child Sees Something Upsetting on Your Phone

Stay calm, then let your child talk. That is the core of the guidance from CEOP Education, the child-protection education arm of the UK's National Crime Agency. Most of what children see online is harmless, but sooner or later something unsuitable turns up, and how you react in the first few minutes decides whether they come to you next time.

How does a child end up seeing something they should not

Three common ways, according to CEOP Education. Someone sends it to them, they go looking out of curiosity, or it turns up by accident, such as a pop-up. On a phone you share, the accidental route is the most likely one. Knowing which it was changes how you respond, so it helps to find out before deciding anything.

Why might your child not tell you

Because they may be embarrassed or afraid of being blamed. CEOP Education notes that children can feel worried they will be blamed for viewing something inappropriate, which makes it harder for them to talk about it. Some children are visibly upset by what they have seen and others are not, so a calm face does not mean nothing happened.

What should you do in the first few minutes

Look after your own reaction first. CEOP Education says it is normal to feel angry, shocked, or even in denial, and suggests taking a moment, or talking to another adult, before you speak to your child. Then find a good time, reassure them that you are there for them, and make clear you do not blame them for what they saw or searched for.

What do you say to your child

Let them tell you what happened in their own words. The questions that matter are whether they stumbled onto it, were curious and went looking, or were sent it by someone. Listen first, and resist the urge to lecture. A child who feels heard will tell you more than one who feels interrogated.

What should you do afterward

Work out the next steps together. Report the content to the platform where it appeared, since most platforms have a way to do that. If what your child saw was a nude or semi-nude image of a child, CEOP Education says it should be reported to the police. After that, keep checking in over the following days, because how a child feels about something often changes after the first conversation.

One upsetting moment does not mean you have failed. It means a child had somewhere safe to bring it.